|Posted by edmond on April 13, 2016 at 1:00 PM|
sorry for not updating my blog yesterday but i was just feeling so exhausted i didn't even have the energy for it!
you must be wondering why the title of this blog is "madame duval". well, that's actually the name of one patient here in a room on the same floor as mine. she's an old lady who totally lost her mind (maybe alzheimer?) and spend her days wandering in the hallway like a ghost... the first time i saw her, i felt really sad for her and imagined how hard it must have been for her family to see her in that state she's in now because when you look in her eyes, it's totally blank as if her soul already left her body. so, she kept on wandering in the hallway all day long and you can hear her paths from your room. i must say, it's quite scary actually XD at the beginning, she was accidentally entering your room because she didn't realize it wasn't hers, so you just replied kindly that it wasn't her room and took her back to hers.
the thing is that since last sunday her "visits" became more and more regular! she kept on entering a room randomly, again and again, like every 10 minutes and you had to repeat to her again and again that it wasn't her room! i was already starting to lose my nerve but tried to remain calm because i knew that even if i'd shout at her, she'd still wouldn't get what i was saying to her. she even came into my room during my sleep, woke me up and scared the shit out of me! i mean, waking up like that with you door opened with an old lady staring at you seems to be directly from an horror movie! i started shouting at her to leave me alone and let me sleep! XD that's why i actually woke up on monday in a really really bad mood and rushed to the nursery to explain the situation. when i arrived there, i realized that there was already another patient complaining about the same thing happening to her and that she hadn't been able to sleep either because of that! the nurses just told us to calm down because there was nothing they could do about it. that she was an old lady and that it wasn't possible to lock her in her room for security reasons or just tie her to her bed during the night! i was just so upset and i guess that's why i had some issues enjoying my first day out because i was feeling really mad because i missed sleep and felt quite scared about how i would react being all alone in the streets on a day like that, waking up in such a bad mood and so stressful! i guess that's why i didn't enjoy that first day out that much because i was just feeling tired and when i am in this state, i can't have a really objective point of view about how i feel and react to my surroundings...
anyway, it just went worse on monday night as she paid me afirst visit at 6am! i was so scared and angry at the same time! i mean, you already lose your intimacy when you live here in this hospital because there's no way you can lock your door and anyone can come into your room anytime. i can easily understand it when it's a nurse who's coming to check on you but a patient coming without being inivited is another thing. i was so tensed that i went downstairs for a ciggy and tried to calm down so that i could go back to sleep. she came back again at 7.30am but, this time, i was in a deep sleep so i didn't even heard she had entered the room... usually, she just stays by the door staring around and leave but this time she came to my bed and started shaking me to wake me up! i was just sooooooooooooooooo mad! i mean, i was trying to get back to sleep after her first visit and when i was finally able to sleep again, she just woke me up again! she's really lucky in a way that she did that to me because i think another patient would have just beaten her to death! it had already been two nights that i wasn't able to sleep correctly and when i saw my face in the mirror in the morning there was just the reflection of a ghost!
on tuesday, she did it all day long so, every time i was trying to take a nap or just try to rest because i was feeling just so exhausted, she just kept on coming into my room and cut my rest time straight away. i was feeling more and more tired and more more out of my mind... i think that the lack of sleep is the worst totrure you can do to someone. do it for some days and it totally changes you. so, on tuesday morning, i just skipped all my workout routine, community management stuff and just tried to relax, but, as i was saying, i just couldn't because she kept on coming again and again. everytime i heard her paths in the hallway i was getting more and more tensed, just wondering if she was about to enter my room or a neighbour's one. for lunch, i didn't have apetite because i was just tired and didn't even have the energy to eat. i tried to have a nap again after lunch but she came twice again. i sent a text to my mum and to my friend arnaud to let them know that it had already been two nights i hadn't slept correctly at all and that i was in a really bad mood so that they wouldn't be surprised when they saw me. i told them to come around 2.30pm and they came to visit. they saw on my face that the only thing i wanted to was to sleep. i mean, i kept on yawning, was mad like crazy about the situation and really not friendly at all. we finally decided to go out for a drink in the center but i wasn't really talkative. my mind was starting to become blank just like madame duval's one lol when i came back here, i actually regretted that i didn't go directly home during the afternoon and just sleep over because i was sure that it would be the same again yesterday night. so, this is why i didn't have the energy to update the blog yesterday! after dinner, i met one neighbour that was as desperate as me. he told me she visited him already 7 times while he was reading a book. he was so upset that he went downstairs to have a tea and when he came back to his room, she was sitting on his bed!!! we decided to go together to the nursery, hoping that maybe if we were two explaining the same thing they would finally take it into account. one nurse told her that she knew about the situation and that we should push the emergency button everytime she comes into her room. i don't know if it's the right word for this but in every hospital room, you have this "emergency button" that you can push any time that you need assistance.... anyway, we went back to our rooms, deperate and hoping that she would end up leaving us in peace once and for all but it wasn't the case. just after coming back from the nursery, she came twice into my room, so i pushed the button twice. as for my neighbour, i think she came like 5 or 6 times and the nurse was just becoming crazy. i even could overhear her on the phone with one colleague saying that the situation with the old lady was just getting out of control. i think that until that moment they didn't really realize how hard it was for us on a daily basis. before going to bed, i even prayed! not any god in particular but just so that i could sleep all night long without being interrupted even once and my wish came true! i know that she kept on visiting my neighbours but at least she left me alone yesterday night so fo once i could sleep all night long! i was feeling so much better this morning, having finally a real night sleep!
this morning, i had breakfast and downloaded an android game that has just been released of sailormoon. it's called "sailor moon drops" and is available on android and ios. before it was only available in japan but they decided to release it worldwide. i stay stucked to this puzzle game for an hour! lol after that, i made a double workout session (to try to get back what i haven't done the day before) so i did abs workout and butt workout. after that, i had a shower and as it was wednesday, it was my beauty session day so i spent more time in the bathroom taking care of my body and skin after that, i worked on my community management stuff, had lunch, had a nap (without any intervention from madame duval but it was actually because the nurses had taken her to the nursery and had been asked to stay there with them) and went out for my second day out alone! today, i had decided to level up by going to a crowdy place instead of a quiet park so i went to a mall called colombier. i made some shopping and bought the album of charlie puth (i really like this singer-song-writer) and also some beauty creams. after that, i went home, had tea with my mum and then we came back here to watch the new episode of empire! she left after that and i started watching the second episode of the new sailormoon season! i then had dinner, went downstairs for a ciggy, came back here and started updating this blog hehe
tonight, i'll try to do what i was supposed to do last night and try to do also what was already planned for tonight on my timetable. let's see if i can make it all!
have all a gorgeous wednesday!