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introspection

Posted by edmond on April 19, 2016 at 12:15 PM

hey lovers,

yesterday night, i had a call from my dear friend isabelle because she checked my blog out and was so amused about the situation with madame duval that we stayed on the phone talking about how creepy it was and how similar it was to a bad horror movie lol

after that, i started overthinking again and my head was about to explode so, around midnight, i asked for a tranquilizer so that my brain could finally rest because my body was exhasuted.

i was feeling quite tired but it got better during the morning. i started writing again but this time about my past, how i saw the relationships in the couple i knew and tried to make some comparisons on how i was in a couple too.

today, i made a great discovery and finally understood why i was sometimes getting so depressed and suicidal. it didn't come all of a sudden and it's something from long ago that's causing what is happening to me now. i don't think this blog is the right place to explain what i discovered exactly. maybe it'll become when i am able to clear out all of this through writing new lyrics and new songs so that you'll understand what exactly happened.the only thing that i can say is that what begins this crazy process is when i'm feeling abandonned by someone... after that, there's always the same pattern repeating and i end up taking too many pills or too much alcohol or whatever i have that can hurt me.

i didn't do my workout this morning either because i was really not feeling in the mood for it and prefered to focus on keeping on writing about everything and i can say i'm really proud that i was finally able to find some clues to understand how i became who i am now.i'm feeling really thankful to the psychologist because it's the very first time i see a psychologist that just doesn't listen but also helps you to prgresss and work by yourself. that's exactly what i needed.

first, i sent a text to my mum to let her know that i would go directly home during the afternoon but as i had a terrible headache because of my overthinking this morning too, i asked the nurse another tranquilizer to slow down the attack of informations that were too much to handle for just one brain to deal with. so, i ended up sending her another text asking her to come here and that we could go for a walk in the thabor park.

i had lunch (today we had french fries, yummy!) and after that, i went to the garden here in the hospital because the weather was really sunny and i prefered to enjoy a sunbath instead of taking a nap like i usually do at that time of day. my mum arrived around 2pm and we went to the thabor park. i didn't take that much pictures this time but you can check them HERE. yes, they're flowers as always but you know the passion i have for them hehe

after that, we went in the center in an outlet shop, made some grocery shops (i had to buy cakes and strawberry jam for the morning) and we went back here. tonight, i don't have any particular plan and i must say that this week, i just don't give a look at the timetable. just in the morning, after waking up, but i don't follow it at all. i think this week will be dedicated to my own introspection and that is my priority more than anything.

have all a gorgeous tuesday!

chu ;)

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